chapter six
The memories
It flashed through her mind at the instance the face became recognizable in the white light, it was Deepak. All those long pent up feelings rushed into her with a sudden gust and she felt herself sink under a tide of feelings unknown. the day before the Spring Festival, flashed across her mind as she tried to shut out the swollen face and blood satined shirt of Deepak int hat room...
Prakriti spirits were sinking with the setting sun. Spring was her favorite season and the time a few weeks after the Spring Festival was especially dear to her. That was when the weather would begin to warm a little and one could hear the merry chirping of birds as they flew from their nests to the fields to feed and then back to their nests. On the way, they would alight on trees, electric poles or wires, housetops and any other place they could for a few moments and then let loose a torrent of birdsong, dancing their necks in every direction, looking for their variation of love. Prakriti used to love watching the bird’s wing their way around in complete freedom, sometimes alone and sometimes in flocks that waxed and waned as they flew circles around the city skies. In the evenings she would delight at the invisible patterns their flights formed, as the birds tired themselves for the night, before they returned home.
“They look so happy, unconcerned and full of life,” Prakriti thought as she gazed absently at a flock. She wondered what the secret of their happiness was. Prakriti was feeling uncharacteristically heavy in her heart, as if something deep inside was craving for something indefinable, a feeling of loneliness gripping at her from the inside. Prakriti looked away from the skies to turn her gaze to the people around. Sitting alone on a park bench, she noticed a student couple sitting at a bench to her left. She stole a glance at them and then looked away a little guiltily as the girl looked directly at her. They were holding hands and were about to embrace when Prakriti had noticed them and her eyes had lingered on them a few moments longer then she intended. The girl had almost begun to smile at Prakriti, feeling a little guilty herself but seeing Prakriti look away, her smile died a premature death.
Prakriti looked up at the skies again, feigning disinterest in what was happening at the bench near her, trying to hide her own embarrassment, as if the act of looking up would erase the discomfort of the past few moments. But, Prakriti’s mind was beset with her own pangs of loneliness, a feeling enhanced by the proximity of those young lovers. Prakriti longed for the company of a male, who would hold her, kiss her, embrace her and even… Sometimes, nature or God, as some call that inexplicable force that seems to work in strange ways, responds in strange ways. “Prakriti Prakriti…” someone called to her familiarly. Prakriti turned to look at the caller and smiled as she saw Deepak. Deepak was her classmate but Prakriti had hardly ever conversed with him except on the odd occasion. She smiled at him, her smile appearing warmer than ever before. Deepak came and sat next to Prakriti. “Such a wonderful evening…it seems the world is a perfect place!” he exclaimed.
Prakriti did not answer. She did not know how to answer when she felt as she did.
“Have you had dinner?” Deepak asked, trying to break the wall of silence.
“Prakriti nodded though she had not.
Sensing her mood, Deepak looked at her, saying, “I guess, you don’t feel too communicative… perhaps, I’ll go alone…Bye.” And with that, Deepak got up and walked away.
Prakriti had not even had the time to say a goodbye and she felt strangely horrible to have let Deepak go the way he had. “Perhaps, he’ll think I’m snooty,” she thought, wondering what she could do to rectify matters. Deepak had already gone a long way and when Prakriti decided to go after him, she realized it was too late and that she would look like a fool chasing after him so she continued sitting at the bench, fossilized by the workings of her brain.
That night, Deepak’s diary had an entry that read, “I followed her all afternoon after school, keeping a distance so she would not see me. I walked behind her after class and went all the way to the park. She looked strangely lost in a way I have never seen her before. Finally, when she had been sitting on the bench in the park, I could not bear it any longer. Seeing the state she was in, I gathered the courage to go and sit next to her. I knew she had eaten nothing and asked her if she had, hoping she would join me for dinner. She nodded her head as if to say she had, lying. I think she does not like me and no matter what I do I can’t attract her attention. Perhaps, she likes another boy and finds me unattractive or unworthy of her. I wished I was dead then. I hate myself for loving a girl who does not even notice it. I feel like such a fool, a man who does not deserve to live."
Prakriti went back to her dormitory late that evening, feeling like she had never felt before. She met her best friend and was telling her, “I saw him…out of the blue. I was sitting on the park bench when he called out to me and I looked up to find it was ‘him’. I was feeling so lost and so…lonely…” she struggled to say the words. “He asked me if I had had dinner," she continued, "and I nodded my head to say I would be happy to go with him. But, I guess, I did not say anything; hoping he would say more…perhaps, ask me again. And, suddenly, he got up saying he thought I was not communicative and left. I wanted to chase after him and tell him that I was hungry and would be more than happy to share dinner with him. But, he was gone in a flash, as if I was just another girl…as if I meant nothing to him.
Little did Prakriti know that Deepak had gone barely a few hundred feet and was waiting for her beyond the corner, hoping to catch another glimpse of her, hoping to ask her to join him again.
Neither Prakriti nor Deepak knew that the other had slept hungry that night...
It flashed through her mind at the instance the face became recognizable in the white light, it was Deepak. All those long pent up feelings rushed into her with a sudden gust and she felt herself sink under a tide of feelings unknown. the day before the Spring Festival, flashed across her mind as she tried to shut out the swollen face and blood satined shirt of Deepak int hat room...
Prakriti spirits were sinking with the setting sun. Spring was her favorite season and the time a few weeks after the Spring Festival was especially dear to her. That was when the weather would begin to warm a little and one could hear the merry chirping of birds as they flew from their nests to the fields to feed and then back to their nests. On the way, they would alight on trees, electric poles or wires, housetops and any other place they could for a few moments and then let loose a torrent of birdsong, dancing their necks in every direction, looking for their variation of love. Prakriti used to love watching the bird’s wing their way around in complete freedom, sometimes alone and sometimes in flocks that waxed and waned as they flew circles around the city skies. In the evenings she would delight at the invisible patterns their flights formed, as the birds tired themselves for the night, before they returned home.
“They look so happy, unconcerned and full of life,” Prakriti thought as she gazed absently at a flock. She wondered what the secret of their happiness was. Prakriti was feeling uncharacteristically heavy in her heart, as if something deep inside was craving for something indefinable, a feeling of loneliness gripping at her from the inside. Prakriti looked away from the skies to turn her gaze to the people around. Sitting alone on a park bench, she noticed a student couple sitting at a bench to her left. She stole a glance at them and then looked away a little guiltily as the girl looked directly at her. They were holding hands and were about to embrace when Prakriti had noticed them and her eyes had lingered on them a few moments longer then she intended. The girl had almost begun to smile at Prakriti, feeling a little guilty herself but seeing Prakriti look away, her smile died a premature death.
Prakriti looked up at the skies again, feigning disinterest in what was happening at the bench near her, trying to hide her own embarrassment, as if the act of looking up would erase the discomfort of the past few moments. But, Prakriti’s mind was beset with her own pangs of loneliness, a feeling enhanced by the proximity of those young lovers. Prakriti longed for the company of a male, who would hold her, kiss her, embrace her and even… Sometimes, nature or God, as some call that inexplicable force that seems to work in strange ways, responds in strange ways. “Prakriti Prakriti…” someone called to her familiarly. Prakriti turned to look at the caller and smiled as she saw Deepak. Deepak was her classmate but Prakriti had hardly ever conversed with him except on the odd occasion. She smiled at him, her smile appearing warmer than ever before. Deepak came and sat next to Prakriti. “Such a wonderful evening…it seems the world is a perfect place!” he exclaimed.
Prakriti did not answer. She did not know how to answer when she felt as she did.
“Have you had dinner?” Deepak asked, trying to break the wall of silence.
“Prakriti nodded though she had not.
Sensing her mood, Deepak looked at her, saying, “I guess, you don’t feel too communicative… perhaps, I’ll go alone…Bye.” And with that, Deepak got up and walked away.
Prakriti had not even had the time to say a goodbye and she felt strangely horrible to have let Deepak go the way he had. “Perhaps, he’ll think I’m snooty,” she thought, wondering what she could do to rectify matters. Deepak had already gone a long way and when Prakriti decided to go after him, she realized it was too late and that she would look like a fool chasing after him so she continued sitting at the bench, fossilized by the workings of her brain.
That night, Deepak’s diary had an entry that read, “I followed her all afternoon after school, keeping a distance so she would not see me. I walked behind her after class and went all the way to the park. She looked strangely lost in a way I have never seen her before. Finally, when she had been sitting on the bench in the park, I could not bear it any longer. Seeing the state she was in, I gathered the courage to go and sit next to her. I knew she had eaten nothing and asked her if she had, hoping she would join me for dinner. She nodded her head as if to say she had, lying. I think she does not like me and no matter what I do I can’t attract her attention. Perhaps, she likes another boy and finds me unattractive or unworthy of her. I wished I was dead then. I hate myself for loving a girl who does not even notice it. I feel like such a fool, a man who does not deserve to live."
Prakriti went back to her dormitory late that evening, feeling like she had never felt before. She met her best friend and was telling her, “I saw him…out of the blue. I was sitting on the park bench when he called out to me and I looked up to find it was ‘him’. I was feeling so lost and so…lonely…” she struggled to say the words. “He asked me if I had had dinner," she continued, "and I nodded my head to say I would be happy to go with him. But, I guess, I did not say anything; hoping he would say more…perhaps, ask me again. And, suddenly, he got up saying he thought I was not communicative and left. I wanted to chase after him and tell him that I was hungry and would be more than happy to share dinner with him. But, he was gone in a flash, as if I was just another girl…as if I meant nothing to him.
Little did Prakriti know that Deepak had gone barely a few hundred feet and was waiting for her beyond the corner, hoping to catch another glimpse of her, hoping to ask her to join him again.
Neither Prakriti nor Deepak knew that the other had slept hungry that night...
posted by clytemnestra @ 10:53 PM
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